Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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