I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
