my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
