I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
