Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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