is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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