Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize