Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
