Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
