Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
