You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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