im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
