two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
