Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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