This girl is more easily done than said...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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