the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I could fuck to npr.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
