Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've blown a few things in my day
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
