Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
