i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
