dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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