And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
