Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
her vagine was all disorganized.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
