How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
