Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
did i just pee glitter
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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