peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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