Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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