I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
