I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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