Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
