Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
its liver damage thursday
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
