He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
