I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
