everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
