Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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