Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
