Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
