We got so high we made milksteak
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
