God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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