All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
