so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
