You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
