I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
