someone threw a dead crab at me
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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