Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's rum buckets o'clock
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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