Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
