I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
