After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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