Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His hands were made for my vagina.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
