Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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