i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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