I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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