What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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