Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
