I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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