Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
